š on beating yourself up for "not doing enough"
tips to recognise how much you are doing so you can cut yourself some much needed slack + a provoking question on the origins of the voices within.
Itās been a while now since Iāve posted anything to the newsletter. Iāve spent most of this past month being with some intense repressed childhood feelings that I had no idea were harbored inside of me this whole time.
Yet, instead of having compassion for myself over whatās been a rough time, Iāve instead observed a consistent tendency to beat myself up for ānot doing enoughā - particularly in terms of being here writing. Even though I had a good reason not to be, and it wasnāt like the rest of my life came to a stand still. Imagine that.
This isnāt a pattern thatās unique to me; Iāve seen it pervade the experience of pretty much everyone I know.
When we feel like weāre not doing enough, what we really mean is that we donāt feel like we are enough.
This all links back to the early experiences we have during our formative years when we learn the mechanics of conditional love set out by the collective unconscious. Sadly being ourselves misses the mark on those conditions.
Everything we do is driven by the desire to be validated, accepted, and lovedāso when we go to do things, everything is always tied to some conditional outcome.
What would life look like if that werenāt the case?
āCause Iām tired of that paradigm. That paradigm sucks.
Itās been just over 6 months since I started writing on the internet and out of curiosity, I started writing out all the things Iāve done since then.
When I did that, I was shocked to see that actually, Iāve done enoughā¦ probably more than enough.
Iām gonna go over that list here to help me get back into the spirit of writing, and then Iāll leave you with some wisdom afterwards.
Alright, here goesā¦ since I started writing online I:
Started building a blog (canned it - wasnāt aligned).
Started building a creator newsletter (canned it - wasnāt aligned).
Bought something like 10 different domains, only used one of them.
Started a personal website and newsletter on Ghost, learnt basic HTML/CSS.
Came to Substack from Ghost at the end of Jan.
Published a total of 13 posts over this time, deleted 6 of them.
Reached 85 subscribers on the newsletter that saw 10 of those posts.
Built up a total following of 437 across Substack, X, Threads and Instagram.
Changed the name of my newsletter four times. Just did it then - itās now called The Gift of Being You. Welcome to the NEWsletter š.
Started publishing a guidebook of connected notes. Published around 30 notes. Took them all down. Changed the name/theme of that a few times. Built a custom theme for the site. Started that again and published another 20 notes.
Started a bunch of books, put heaps of them down, but finished a lot of them too. Learnt a ton.
Started learning how to DJ, which I really wanted to do but had put off for years.
Did a bunch of therapy and coaching - spiritual, traditional & non-traditional.
Sat with some of the darkest feelings I didnāt know were lodged inside of me and confronted truths I wasnāt allowing myself to see.
Managed the smorgasbord of health conditions I deal with, which got worse during the above.
Overcame the fear of being myself and launched into putting myself out there as me, in public, despite all the protector parts that told me not to.
Connected back to my spiritual essence and had a natural oneness experience, which was kinda cool.
Started a program to learn about becoming a trauma-sensitive and integral unfoldment coach.
Lost and found myself on what felt like 10,000 different occasions.
Met and encountered so many amazing and awesome people along the way.
Still worked a full-time job.
Oh, and Iām building a house right now too.
More than enough, right? In fact, Iām probably juggling way too many balls here.
If you, like me, find yourself beating yourself up for ānot doing enoughā hereās what Iāll say to that:
Start by asking yourselfā¦ what even is āenoughā? Enough for what? Enough for who? Can it ever be enough? Will it ever be enough?
Write and keep your own list like this handy so you can easily get back to it. Write out everything youāve done even if it doesnāt relate to the thing youāre feel youāre not doing enough about. Itās way easier to have compassion for yourself when you can zoom out and see everything youāre doing all at once.
Make it an intention to regularly celebrate some of the small wins. With all the things in my list above, Iāve celebrated none of it ā in fact right now is the most celebration Iāve given myself. Perspective combats ānot doing enoughā syndrome.
Remember that you are whole right now, and thereās nothing missing in you. The fundamentals of what makes you a whole human is the same for every other human being. Sure, there might be some things you canāt do, but youāve got all the core ingredients to make that thing happen, if thatās what you truly want.
The idea that you arenāt enough is bullshit. You are enough. Always were, always have been.
In the immediate moment, thatāll at least help to address that critical voice that tries to undermine everything you do, but just know that itās highly likely this voice is not even yoursāitās more likely to be an introject.
So as we wrap up, ask yourself:
Are these voices in your head truly yours, or do they belong to someone else whoās convinced you that youāre not doing enough?
Thank you for being here with me, it means a lot! Before we go:
If you enjoyed this, itād be immensely meaningful to me if you supported my writing with a like š, restack š or share š to someone you think may benefit.
Check out the newsletterās companion guidebook. Itās a web of living, breathing, interconnected notes ā itās a free flowing and unfolding exploration into what it means to be human, and what it means to be you.
Iāve opened up my calendar because it's awesome to meet new people, so if you're up for it, let's chat!
Congrats on all the progress youāre making, those are huge wins! Weāre sometimes conditioned to look at a few key metrics to determine our own individual success and worth but the reality is that it can come purely from the internal quailia of your experience. If itās positive, thatās a win!
Keep it up! šŖ
Oh yasshhh I missed reading your posts.
Crazy, aye, for constantly thinking that we're not doing enough while if we list down all stuff that we did, it's overwhelming to see. Our brain is a master of pandering to our distorted self-esteem.